“The one and only thing we have control over is our own thoughts, actions, and how we interpret the events and circumstances in our lives
as destroying or re-birthing us”–Phoenix Alexander
This is a vital understanding of Living The Way of the Phoenix.

The Most Powerful People in life CHOOSE to control themselves!

I told my daughter that’s what I want on my headstone and she responded, “That’s too many words, it won’t fit.” So instead I am boldly proclaiming it now.

As I look back on my life, the recurring theme in my time on this planet has been learning to overcome the latest challenge and difficulty. There have been many, and sometimes they come on a daily basis. Years ago I had a massage therapist who had been listening to me for years about the weekly events in my life say, “Phoenix I think you life might be easier to handle if you looked at it like and action adventure film because there is so much coming at you all the time!” I took this excellent observation to heart and now I am bringing you into the action for the wrap up conclusion where it all works out.

Let your action, adventure life begin….

Some people just seem to have more difficulty and adversity than others. Does this mean they are flawed or defective? Not necessarily.

The strongest steels are tempered in the hottest fires

When you study the lives of the people who have made, and are making the most difference, while benefitting others, they have overcome significant hardship, trials, and adversity. With the experiences they have been tried and tested and overcome or at least learned to cope with the cards they have been dealt.

Here are a few of the Timeless Truths found in my book, Turning Trials Into Triumphs, the way of the Phoenix.

Each of us has life experiences that give us exactly the right opportunities for our highest growth.

All experiences can work together for your good! It doesn’t matter as much what happens to you–what matters is how you respond to adversity. If you haven’t found the good in the experience, it’s not over yet!

There seems to be a direct correlation between the magnitude of your problems and your potential for greatness! The simple fact of life is— We are here to be tested and to learn.

My most driving, motivating, desire is to truly be empowered, where no one else can determine my outcome. They may have an influence on my happiness temporarily, but I ALWAYS find a way to get around their hostility, manipulation, abuse, and criticism.

One of my choicest relationships turned sour when they continuously criticized me about my looks, my style, what I wear, how I think, the way I author my books, and essentially who I am—the very best of me. They said, “I hate that positive, personal development, aspect of your personality!” Ouch.

This is a person I had invested heavily in over decades of my life. I had freely shared all the coping skills I continuously acquire with them when they were fixated on their problems and staying stuck– especially when they went into their “dark swirly place” where they expressed a desire to just finally end themselves.

This was a crushing blow, and in keeping with my personal mission statement where I remind myself that, “I choose to engage in healthy relationships”, and after setting appropriate boundaries and expressing my feelings about their outrageous criticism, I took a break for a few months to give them a chance to change—and they did not. So I am now on a permanent break from that individual.

It felt like a tremendous loss at first, because there had been times they were generous and helpful, but there was always an emotional price. I pondered for a long time what their motivation in saying things like, ‘If you wear those red thigh high boots, I’m not walking around with you.” and “If you wear those leopard print leggings you can’t come to my office with me,” and “You need to pluck your eyebrow, it doesn’t look right with your makeup.” I think that they were imposing their values on me, and I resist that.

In meditating on the loss, I wondered how I would ever fill the void left by this person, and the words came to my mind, “This is not a loss, it’s a deliverance!” That perspective changed everything.

Sometimes it’s very difficult to resolve a difficult relationship when there were genuinely good experiences, but the negative outweighed the good. When the emotional cost is higher than the benefits, you may need to take back your power and leave them alone. Disconnect energetically and quit financing them with your positive energy. Don’t let them continue residing in your mind/body through your thoughts and emotions. Let go for your own FREEDOM and wellbeing.

This is your life… Live it Love it!

I am a little sassy, eclectic, and perhaps a little flamboyant at times. I have my own style and way of being. Perhaps my most notable characteristics are that I am a loquacious, ebullient, teller of stories—real ones– about my life. I will share many with you so that you can learn from my experiences the “moral of the story” or the benefit, and maybe you won’t have to experience the same difficulties yourself.

It is outrageously, wildly, important to learn to limit the power of the detractors and trolls– to live your best life. Ask yourself continuously throughout the day “How do I limit the power of this person, who lacks personal control, and is trying to manipulate, criticize or abuse me”?

You can’t control what others do or say, but you can set boundaries, speak your truth, remove yourself from any destructive situations, (whenever that is possible), and determine to gain a benefit from it.

Here are more Timeless Truths found in my book:

Not every trial or adversity is self-inflicted. Learn to quit fighting the things you don’t have control over that are designed for your growth.

When you master the art of changing your thoughts and perceptions, you can then master your emotions.

Along with each trial comes a promise—you will not be tested or tried beyond what you can handle.

Perspectives Can Make or Break You.

A core concept in Neuro Linguistic Programming, which is a tool I use for myself and my clients, is that as we take in information we all do these things with the information:

• Generalize
• Distort
• Delete

The subconscious mind does this to save time interpreting the information that comes in rapidly and in abundance. It weighs, and evaluates the information against our previous experiences and our beliefs. The problem with that is that these templates, strategies, and beliefs on auto-pilot in our subconscious mind, were often determined in our formative years as young children. They always have a positive intention to help us– but they may need to be unpacked, questioned and carefully evaluated to see if they are currently supporting and assisting us. They intention is good, the delivery may be less helpful.

Begin the Habit of Questioning Yourself:

• Why do I think this?
• Why do I do this?
• What is my body/mind trying to tell me?
• Is there a more empowering way to accomplish the old strategy?
• Who or what else made me feel like this?

When you begin being flexible in your perspectives, your life will begin to flourish. You don’t have to be anyone else– just your own amazing self.

I want to be Your Personal Empowerment Guide to Flourishing, Celebrating Life, and becoming truly Empowered. That way no matter what life throws at you, you have the skills and perspectives to handle it.

I know, I’m an insider. I have experienced and handled unspeakable trauma, and constant adversity. However, it is no longer what defines me, my rising from the flames and thriving– is what defines me. I want you to master this way of life too. So let’s begin living The Way of the Phoenix

You can watch my podcast in the blog posts found at the bottom of all other pages besides this one.